Have you ever had a feeling that you were meant for something?
Obviously we are all meant for something, but I’m talking more specifically here. I’m talking you, as an individual, being meant to do something so clearly and evidently to everyone around you that it’s almost comical that it takes you so long to see it yourself.
Today I’m going to share some pretty big news with you guys. Ok, so maybe it isn’t that big of news, but in the world of Kat it’s pretty dang monumental.
So a few weeks ago the head fitness instructor at my gym approached me with a job opportunity. This is the third time that my gym has offered me a job, however I turned down the last two because the job itself wasn’t exactly what I wanted. This opportunity however, was literally customized for me. Basically he offered me a position teaching the HIIT class that I take every day – apparently word had gotten back to him on numerous occassions by members in regards to how much they loved my attitude and drive and wanted to know why I wasn’t teaching the class. Needless to say I was beyond flattered and appreciative of their kind words – and pretty much shell shocked at the opportunity.
I went home excited to tell Ninja the news – and then immediately felt sick to my stomach.
It was always a dream of mine to be a trainer and work in the fitness industry, but you want to know why I haven’t yet taken that step? Insecurities, my friends. After the initial excitement about the job wore off, the insecurities took over.
What if no one likes me?
What if I don’t fit the expected “mold”?
What if I can’t motivate the class?
What if no one sees any progress with my programming?
What if, what if, what if, what if….
So many what ifs that I swear to you guys, my head literally almost exploded. I spent two days in sheer anxiety mode with dread in the pit of my stomach the entire time. I didn’t sleep, I could barely eat and I even [embarrassingly] avoided the gym for a few days.
After discussing in detail with Ninja however and praying about it for a few days, the realization finally hit me – I was meant to do this.
God has tried two other times to get me out of my box. He has given me two other opportunities to open up, put myself out there and chase this dream of mine that I’ve had for years and yet each time I’ve told Him that I wasn’t ready. I made myself believe that I wasn’t good enough, fit enough or personable enough to instruct, so instead I just took the class every day like an idiot as person after person would ask me why on earth I wasn’t teaching the class myself.
Well guys, enough is enough.
I’ve got a Coach tank top coming!
I won’t lie to you, I almost backed out several times. I even almost backed out on my first day, the nerves, anxiety and self-consciousness beating me down from within as I tried to muster up any and all strength I could find to get me through. But you know what? I did it – and I couldn’t be more in love.
Yesterday was my 1st official day as a fitness instructor at my gym teaching the 5am and 6am HIIT classes and it is literally nothing like I thought it would be – it’s so much better.
Sure, I still have insecurities and self-doubt about it, but I know in my heart that I was meant to do this. God has been so patient with me, gently nudging me each day with reassurance and compliments from others to build my self-confidence, blessing me with a supportive Bestie and hubby who listen to my crazed nervous ranting and reminding me through His Word that He gave me a spirit of boldness – not fear.
I don’t know how long this will last – maybe a year, maybe a few years, maybe even longer. All I know is that I’ve finally pushed through my fears – I broke through my walls of insecurity, climbed the mountains of self-doubt and conquered the demon who tried to tell me I wasn’t good enough. It’s a pretty exhilarating feeling to be honest, so much so that I almost don’t even recognize myself. It’s amazing what a little self-belief can do you guys.
So there you have it – my big news. I’m a fitness instructor! I’m actually going through the certification process as we speak and am 100% invested into giving my all into this little gig. I might only be teaching one class a day [it’s all I can do as I have another job] but I can finally say that I am living my dream.
Just call me dream chaser! Or Coach, that works too 😉
Thanks to Amanda for allowing me to Think Out Loud today!
Have you ever held back from something you know you were meant to do?