Guilt? What Guilt?!

Last night I ate some pizza. When I say I ate some pizza, I actually mean a lot. And by a lot I actually mean the entire thing. By myself.

Remember this pizza?

IMG_2413-001_thumbIMG_2415-001_thumb

Well I ate it all. In one sitting. Without any help.

And I don’t feel one ounce of guilt.

Because this morning I got up at 630AM and had a grueling but fun workout. Because I walked my mom’s dog for an hour. Because I’ve been living off smoothies for breakfast and lunch because it’s too hot to want anything else.

And the most important reasons? Because I wanted to. Because I was hungry. Because I couldn’t find a reason not to.

Do I feel bad? No, not really. I’m not overly stuffed at all. I don’t feel like I’m going to puke. And most important, I’m totally satisfied.

Being someone who has battled an ED for years, this is a pretty big moment for me. Sure, I’ve eaten lots of food before. But never without guilt. I always left the table feeling bad. I always left with the intention of murdering myself in a workout the next day.

But not this time.

Maybe it’s because the pizza was thin crust, loaded with veggies, and roughly 660 calories. Maybe it’s because it had a good amount of protein. Maybe it’s because it had a whole wheat crust.

IMG_2489-001

Or maybe it’s because I’m finally getting to the point where I can eat food without analyzing what’s going into my mouth.

Regardless of the reason why I was able to eat this entire pizza, I’m proud of myself. That may seem weird to you. That someone would be proud of themselves for eating an entire pizza, but I really don’t care. For the first time in my life, I was able to eat a “bad” food, and a lot of it, without wanting to make myself puke or starve myself for the next week.

I’m going to be proud of myself for that.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Do you deal with food guilt? What food makes you feel the most guilty?

17 comments to Guilt? What Guilt?!

  • This made me smile. :) Good for you! Glad you enjoyed it. And your reasoning behind it is great.

  • I remember the first time I was proud of myself for being able to eat a whole huge plate of spaghetti without a hint of remorse. That was a good day. :) I know where you are comign from. So glad you are in such a good place, Kat!

  • Wonderful!!! U should be very proud! Keep up the healthy and positive thoughts!!! You go girl!!! Spa love!

  • rock it! so proud of you and for posting this. i think people continue to beat themselves up for wanting something, if we want it we should have it. you have come so far, what an inspiration!

  • Awwwr girl I’m so happy for you :) For people who have struggled with an eating disorder, something like this is a huge accomplishment. I remember the first time I allowed myself to enjoy a spontaneous bowl of ice cream “just because” – I actually ended up calling my mom to tell her because it was such a huge deal for me. You should definitely be proud :D

  • Yay! So proud of you for no food guilt! How awesome!

  • You go girl! Thats awesome. I struggle too and am finally coming to terms with realizing, food IS JUST FOOD and thats it! It should be enjoyed and pleasurable. Savor every bit then move on! SO happy for you!

  • That’s awesome! You can really be proud of yourself!

    As someone still fighting an ED I experience food guilt pretty often. For me, it’s things like sweets and fatty food – not nut butters but rather fried stuff. You’ve inspired me to finally have my fear food pizza again – and I hope I’ll be able to let myself have a whole one, too.

    • Kat

      I am so glad to have been an inspiration. I hope you find peace with food soon. It realy is a battle, but you just have to keep fighting and WANTING to beat it!

  • I am soo so proud of you too Kat, seriously, this is a major accomplishment :) Oh and helpful for me as well.. we understand each others feelings so often and it’s great to know you are doing well :) Good choice on pizza btw, it looks great!

  • This may sound strange to someone who’s never been conscious in that area, but for many of us something like that is a great improvement when it comes to MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL health! :D So I’m very very happy for you. There are times when I feel a lil bad if I eat something really unhealthy and too much of it, like too many fries or something, which is kind of rare. But the funny thing is, I’ve been feeling better and better and not as “weird” when or if I end up doing something like that! yay and praise God.

  • Way to go Kat…it’s a huge milestone to be able to approach food so positively! There are some foods which are good for physical health whereas others are necessary for our emotional health- pizza falls in the latter category! Well done and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  • YOU GO GIRL! (Is it the 90s? Oh well, I still mean it :D ) Life just CALLS for a whole pizza, a whole tub of ice cream or a whole brownie batch ;D And you’re right–there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! Your brain and body need it–okay, not on a daily basis, but when life just calls for it? Go for it.

  • Good for you! I rarely feel food guilt, to be honest. I used to, but I was (thankfully) able to get past that years ago. The only time I feel guilt is when I eat unhealthy foods for several days in a row. And it’s not so much guilt … it’s more that I just start feeling very blah!

  • I love love love this post! Your attitude is inspiring and I’m happy for you :) Thank you for sharing, this issue is all to common… I’ve definitely dealt with food guilt. My issue now is more of food anxiety.

  • I used to have the sammeee problem. I would constantly feel guilty after eating a lot of food, but over the past year I have listened to my body each and every day. I throw away a RIDICULOUS amount of food, could easily eat an entire pizza, polish off a box of cookies, and RARELY feel guilt. On days where I lounge around like a slob, I do feel a little “off” if I eat too much so I try to make sure my intake is matching my output. GREAT job on eating the whole pizza..seriously..I love it!

  • [...] Posts: Guilt, What Guilt? What October Means to Me The Doctor Called Me Fat A letter To My Health Prepping For The [...]

Leave a Reply

  

  

  

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 45 other subscribers