I’ve got a confession to make.
I’ve almost completely forgotten about my goal for this year. Do you guys even remember it? Let me refresh your memory…
“This year, I am going to learn to love me, ALL of me. I am going to love myself in my entirety, and that is something that honestly scares the crap out of me. Loving myself fully, not just on this day or at that one time, but everyday regardless of what happens or doesn’t happen, what I do or not do, or what I achieve or fail at.”
Now to the WHY of me forgetting this huge goal.
I just literally haven’t had any issues with it. And by no issues with it, I mean that I haven’t even given my insecurities and imperfections a second thought this month.
Yes, there were days that I was a bit nervous about the food I was eating.
Yes, there were a few nights I had one too many handfuls of dark chocolate chips.
Yes, there was a day that I was really upset with my workout.
Yes, there was a night (or two) that I went to bed feeling bloated and uncomfortable.
But no, not once did I ever look at myself in any sort of negative light. I never once thought degrading thoughts. I never once wished I had another woman’s body. I never once called myself names or overanalyzed all of my flaws.
Pretty crazy, right?
I know it won’t be like this month after month. I realize that there are going to be trying times and that some days I’m going to be curled up in a ball just doing my best to shield myself from the demons that are pounding on my heart’s doorstep. But I don’t want this task to be easy, nor do I expect it to be. I want to come away beaten and battered. I want to come away scarred. Because so often it is those that rise from the ashes that have the most beautiful stories. It’s those who carry their scars with them daily, with no one the wiser, that have the most impact on this world. And in the end, those are the things that I want.
I don’t just want to win. I want to beat the sh*t out of this thing. And I’m going to do it…just watch me.
Worst Moment: Winter Camp was a tough spot for me. The food really did a number on me and I was stressing over it immensely before we even arrived.
Best Moment: While winter camp may have done a number on my tummy, I was really proud of myself for one big thing: The fact that I was looking at the food for the nutrients and not for the calories. I actually hadn’t even realized I had done that until I was writing up this post. I mean, how stinkin’ awesome is it that I literally went an entire weekend of unfamiliar and slightly unhealthy food, without once thinking about calorie count? Each and every meal I only considered how to get the best nutrients out of my food…I never once stopped myself from eating something because the calories might be too high.
All in all, I’d say this month was just the way I needed to start. I’ve got the momentum now, and even though I can see this month getting a bit tough, I’m ready to face it.
Have you been keeping track of your goals or new years resolutions?
What’s one way you have surprised yourself recently?